Posts Tagged love

25 random things.

I’m usually late when it comes to memes, and I had actually posted much of this on my Facebook notes way back in February. But I realized I never posted them here.

So, for your entertainment/amusement/shock/whatever, here are twenty-five random facts about yours truly.

  1. I have severe social anxiety; I have to force myself to leave my apartment. I also deal with arrested development disorder and dysthymia (long-term depression).
  2. I do not own a car. I ride a 2007 Suzuki Burgman 400 maxi-scooter. I also own a 2004 Yamaha Vino 125 scooter that is retired in my ex-wife’s garage after riding it over 25,000 miles. In the event of my imminent bankruptcy, HSBC Bank will get it back.
  3. I purchased said Burgman in September of 2007. I’ve ridden it over 20,000 miles since then.
  4. I’m a Disney freak. I spend nearly every weekend in Walt Disney World. When I lived in California (until 2000), I spent almost every day in Disneyland. I would bring my handheld PC with me to work on my invoices there.
  5. I once rode my Vino 125 from Lakeland, FL to Daytona Beach to attend a F.A.I.T.H. Riders chapter commissioning. It was a four-hour backroads trip that required me to leave at 4:30 in the morning in order to arrive by 8:30 AM. They made me trailer the bike home. The trip has become somewhat of a F.A.I.T.H. Riders legend.
  6. While I receive a lot of compliments on my penmanship, I don’t like to write by hand. You will rarely get a handwritten letter from me.
  7. I was bullied daily from the second grade through high school. It still affects me at the age of 37 (see #1).
  8. Because of the aforementioned bullying, I intentionally flunked a semester of P.E. in high school by refusing to change out of my street clothes into my P.E. uniform (t-shirt and shorts). When I made up the semester my senior year, it was the only time I ever got an "A" in P.E.
  9. I am genuinely afraid of answering a telephone (see #1 again). The best and quickest way to reach me is by e-mail. It drives my girlfriend nuts.
  10. I first learned how to play guitar. Then I learned how to play keyboard by matching the sounds of the notes on the guitar with the notes on the keyboard. I then learned to play in church by ear. My friend, the church pianist, would play the song and I would figure out the chords by ear to play on the keyboard.
  11. I met my now ex-wife in an AOL chat room. The first time we met face-to-face was the night we got engaged. She also told me she was filing for divorce in an e-mail.
  12. In spite of my severe social anxiety, I love public speaking and especially sharing my story with others.
  13. I was told at my mother’s funeral in 1996 that I should consider a career as a writer for Hallmark.
  14. My musical tastes range from classical to smooth jazz to country to gothic metal. I do not like rap.
  15. I am a huge Mylène Farmer fan. Laurent Boutonnat is a songwriting genius.
  16. I will often turn off a TV or radio program or commercial where the protagonist is in an embarrassing or compromising position (or is otherwise generally behaving like an idiot) out of embarrassment for the person in the commercial.
  17. I am convinced that most of the drivers in my area received their driver’s education at the Richard Petty Driving School.
  18. I don’t drink because I don’t like the taste of alcohol, although my girlfriend/fiancée has turned me on to local wines. However, I haven’t had any since she returned to California from her last visit (in February).
  19. I first met my current girlfriend in junior high school; then we lost touch for 20-plus years until 2008 when she found me on MySpace several months after my divorce.
  20. I do most of my grocery shopping at Walmart at 3 or 4 AM. It’s the center of Plant City social life.
  21. I am not much of a reader. Reading books puts me to sleep. Maybe it’s because of all the scholarly texts I had to read in bible college. Since graduating Bible college in 1996, of the many books I have started to read, I have only finished two of them—Mark Lowry’s “Live Long and Die Laughing” and the biography “Rachel’s Tears” (the story of one of the Columbine victims).
  22. I’m a visual, hands-on learner. I’d rather just use the product to learn it or work with examples.
  23. I am self-taught with HTML, PHP, VB, VBA, DocBook, and TeX/LaTeX.
  24. Since moving to Florida I consider any temperature below 70°F to be "freezing."
  25. I write nearly all of my correspondence using LaTeX rather than Word.

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Things I learned this week

Thought I would start doing this weekly, to share with all three (well, maybe four) of you, my regular readers, some of the amazing knowledge I have acquired during the previous week.

  • It is possible to get tired of eating nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner (thanks to being unemployed).
  • Gory films like the “Saw” series are much easier to watch if, before watching the actual film, you watch all the special features first to see how they did all those “effects.” Then, you can watch the actual film with the knowledge that it’s all playing with prosthetics and that they aren’t really sticking their live arms into a table saw to fill the beaker with their own blood and get that last door open.
  • Getting only unemployment income is still too much money to qualify for food stamps in Florida.
  • Unemployment is a catch-22. Because you have no income, your credit goes to pot when you can’t pay your debts; then prospective employers check your credit report as part of their background check and decline to hire you because your credit has gone to pot.
  • One of the most beautiful and peaceful sights is lying in bed at night and looking out your window to see the moon shining through the trees.
  • Once our economy has started recovering, we should ban the phrases “fallen off a cliff,” “quantitative easing,” and “green shoots” from the English language.
  • Walmart is an interesting place at 2:30 in the morning.
  • So is the local 24-hour Starbucks (what, yours isn’t open 24 hours? So deprived, you are!).
  • The best part of your week can be your significant other leaving a voice mail on your phone just so say “I love you.”

Got some of your own? Feel free to add ‘em to the comments!

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Why I love this woman.

The birthday card that totally made my day today: :-) <3

Gotta love it. :-)

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Thirteen months.

This weekend will be a year and a month since the divorce was finalized. It seems life has both blown by quite fast but that in the end I really haven’t gone anywhere (like riding on Test Track). I managed to find work, then lost it, and find myself back where I had started, but without the hefty severance package to live off of (today I live off of $225 a week in unemployment benefits—it covers the rent and the basic necessities). I was blessed to have enough of a federal tax refund to finally get the Burgman back up-to-date on its maintenance.

I went back this morning and read the “Dear John” email (for lack of a better description). If anything, it’s a crib sheet on what not to do in my new relationship (although I find myself in those same ruts anyway, like not answering the telephone).

Apart from the new relationship I’m in (with someone I’ve known since junior high school, so there is some actual history this time), I’ve pretty much gone back to being the same loner I was before I met the now-ex-wife. I do make an effort to attend the Bike Nights that the local F.A.I.T.H. Riders put on here in Plant City and use the annual passes to the various theme parks that I bought when I was actually working, but otherwise I don’t do very much else.

On the positive side, I have been blessed this past year to be able to make some trips and meet some very exciting people in places like PodCamp Boston and even here in Tampa Bay at the Second Life Community Convention. I’ve been able to reconnect with old friends from Saddleback and from Southern California, including the person that I’ve concluded I should’ve stuck with in the first place. Sitting on the front steps of that apartment in Fullerton, California and talking like time had never passed, but realizing that a lot of time had indeed passed, and our lives had all changed in very significant ways, was both refreshing but also indicative of the fact that “home” had changed too, and not necessarily for the better.

The primary goal for this year is getting back to work, so I can get caught up on the support that I owe my son and make sure he is properly cared for—something I really have no worries about, as from what I have heard second-hand his grandfather has been the role model I could have never been; to get my finances finally back on track and start paying off the debt I took from the marriage instead of drowning in it; and, most importantly, cultivating the new relationships that are taking root in my life.

My angel sent me a short Irish poem the other day. It’s worth repeating.

May those who love us, love us.
And those who don’t love us—
may God turn their hearts.
And if He cannot turn their hearts,
may He turn their ankles,
so that we may know them by their limping.

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Songs that have impacted me

I originally posted this on my FaceBook account, but I thought it was worth reposting in my personal blog also.

The original premise is this—Think of 15 (or 25) albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life. Dug into your soul. Music that brought you to life when you heard it. Royally affected you, kicked you in the wazoo, literally socked you in the gut, is what I mean. Then when you finish, tag 15 (or 25) others, including me. Make sure you copy and paste this part so they know the drill. Get the idea now? Good. Tag, you’re it!

I couldn’t name entire albums, but I can name a lot of songs, so here’s my list (they’re songs unless I’ve indicated it’s an entire album). I will say that the Undercover album “Branded” has probably had the biggest impact on my life. Realizing a lot of these may be artists you’ve never heard of, feel free to ask me about ‘em sometime when I’m in town with my music library.

I’ve included links to the albums/songs on iTunes (full disclosure: I am an iTunes affiliate, so I get a cut of whatever y0u purchase using the iTunes links in this post—help me, I’m unemployed. ;-) ).

UNDERCOVER - Undercover, Vol.2 Undercover, “Branded” (entire album). The link takes you to the “Vol. 2″ album, the second half of which are the songs from “Branded”.

Todd Agnew - Reflection of Something - Unchanging One Todd Agnew, “Unchanging One”

Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten - Unwritten Natasha Bedingfield, “Unwritten”

Bloodgood - Detonation Bloodgood, “Detonation” (Entire Album)

Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet - Livin' on a Prayer Bon Jovi - Crush - It's My Life Bon Jovi, “Livin’ on a Prayer” and “It’s My Life”

BT - Emotional Technology - The Force of Gravity BT, “The Force of Gravity”

The Choir - Love Songs and Prayers [A Retrospective] - Sad Face The Choir, “Sad Face”

Céline Dion - Falling Into You - Because You Loved Me Céline Dion, “Because You Loved Me”

Eden's Bridge - Celtic Worship - Awesome God Eden’s Bridge, “Awesome God”

Enigma - MCMXC A.D. Enigma, “MCMXC A.D.” (Entire Album)

Mylène Farmer - Les mots - Ainsi soit-je Mylène Farmer, “Ainsi soit je”

Lee Greenwood - God Bless the U.S.A. - God Bless the U.S.A. Lee Greenwood, “God Bless the U.S.A.” (on 9/11)

Illustrator, “Somewhere in the World” (Entire Album, long out of print)

The Imperials - This Year's Model - Outlander The Imperials, “Outlander”

Kamelot - Ghost Opera - The Human Stain Kamelot, “The Human Stain”

Mannheim Steamroller - Christmas Mannheim Steamroller, “Christmas” (1984 original, entire album; Stille Nacht is still haunting)

Geoff Moore & The Distance - Foundations Geoff Moore & The Distance, “Foundations” (entire album)

Cindy Morgan - Real Life - Love Can Break Your Fall Cindy Morgan, “Love Can Break Your Fall”

Mortal, “Fathom” (entire album, not available in iTunes)

Rich Mullins - A Liturgy, A Legacy & A Ragamuffin Band - Hold Me Jesus Rich Mullins, “Hold Me Jesus”

Nightwish - Dark Passion Play - The Poet and the Pendulum Nightwish, “The Poet and the Pendulum”

P.O.D. - Satellite - AliveP.O.D., “Alive”

Petra - Unseen Power - Destiny Petra, “Destiny”

Leslie Phillips - The Turning - Answers Don't Come Easy (LP Version) Leslie (Sam) Phillips, “Answers Don’t Come Easy”

Julie Pietri - La légende des madones - Étrangère Julie Piétri, “Etrangère” (link is to the FRENCH iTunes store)

Plumb - Chaotic Resolve - I Can't Do This Plumb, “I Can’t Do This”

Ransom, “I’ll Never Leave You” (not in iTunes)

Red - End of Silence RED, “End of Silence” (entire album)

LeAnn Rimes - I Need You - I Need You LeAnn Rimes, “I Need You”

Skillet - Comatose Skillet, “Comatose” (entire album)

Sonata Arctica - Unia - Paid In Full Sonata Arctica, “Paid In Full”

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Things I've learned from life so far

Some lessons I've learned through the process of recovery and life in general that I thought would be worth sharing, in no particular order.
  1. It's impossible to move forward when you're constantly looking backwards. You'll be a train wreck waiting to happen.
  2. The past may have shaped our present to a point, but it's the decisions we make in the present, not the past, that shape our future.
  3. If there is ever any doubt about how much you are loved, go back to your Bible and read Psalm 139.
  4. Everyone, without exception, needs at least one person in his or her life that they can tell everything to without being judged, and with whom they can be comfortable just being themselves.
  5. Don't expect to fly if you're not willing to take the risk of jumping off the cliff.
  6. Corollary to #5—Don't expect to walk on water if you're not willing to get out of the boat.
  7. Doing the right thing now will make it easier to do the right thing later, even when doing the right thing now might be painful.
  8. Not doing the right thing now will eventually come back and bite you in the @$$, usually at the worst possible time.
  9. The end never justifies the means. Period.
  10. Trying to maintain a lie is a whole lot harder than simply telling the truth to begin with.
  11. Be you. Don't try to be somebody else. Others will see through it every time, and just being yourself without any façades is a whole lot easier.
  12. Perfection is a myth perpetuated by fashion magazines. It's okay to not be perfect.

Posted via email from The Sacred Project

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Looking back at 2008, part 1: PodCamp Boston

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I decided to start putting up some of the video I shot during the past year.

I flew up to Boston—the first ever trip planned and executed entirely on my own—in mid-July to attend PodCamp Boston 3 on the Harvard Medical School campus. Probably the highlight of the entire weekend was the moment all the attendees were gathered in the lobby for a group sing-along. Oh, the sessions were great too.

I fell in love with the city of Boston from the moment I arrived. The “T” made it incredibly easy to get around town incredibly cheaply, and there was history at nearly every street corner.

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Thanksgiving Thoughts

For the second year in a row I won’t be celebrating a Thanksgiving, at least not formally.  Last year I was separated; this year I’ll have been divorced for nine months. Of course, I’ve been living by myself since April of 2007, so I should be used to this by now. I had thought of flying up to Michigan to spend it with my dad and his wife, but decided that it would be smarter to hang on to the money to pay down things, especially since I’ve been on three air trips already this year (Atlanta, which my employer paid for, in May; Boston, in July; and So. Cal. to visit my sweetheart, earlier this month).

The fact is that I’ve lost a lot this year. I started the year without a job, and while on the job hunt I lost my family and my home to a divorce process that seemed to pass like a blur. On January 6, she filed, and on February 21st, it was final. I walked away from everything that day. Lately, it’s all about money—the third of my net income that gets sent to the state every month for child support; the debts that I’m several months behind on in a few cases and are going into collection due to my being out of work for nine months and having to move out of the house on top of it, from which things never recovered.

That’s not say it’s totally depressing this holiday.  I do have things to be grateful for in the midst of such a stormy season.  I have a place to call home, even if it’s a small apartment in the middle of hickville. I have a job in spite of living in one of the worst IT job markets in the country when places are seeing layoffs in the thousands and tens of thousands, so at least my essential living expenses are getting paid. If the bank comes to repossess the little scoot, I still have the larger Burgman, paid in full, to get me from Point A to Point B. Most of all I’m incredibly grateful to have Vee in my life after so many years, and to be constantly overwhelmed and humbled by the love and passion she constantly lays on me across the miles. This last item alone has made life much more bearable and worth hanging on to.

So, let’s hear from you: What are you grateful for this year?

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Back into things

It’s been a rough last few weeks since returning from my weekend in Southern California, mainly because of a flu or something like it that simply would not completely go away. It has finally fully resolved itself, although I’m still taking the daily Claritin®-D and the Mucinex® to be on the safe side. Being ill has completely messed up my normal wake/sleep cycles, and usually the only way to reset it is to do an all-nighter and then force myself to bed at a “normal” hour at the end of the night.

I’m both looking forward and not looking forward to Thanksgiving this year—or even to the holidays in general, for that matter. I enjoy the holiday atmosphere, and will especially get to enjoy it in places like Walt Disney World, Universal Orlando, and Busch Gardens Tampa, but I will be spending the holidays—for the most part—alone. Just like I did last year.

What I am looking forward to is Vee’s visit to here in Florida in a few (hopefully short) months. Not having to be alone, but being with someone I love dearly, is the closest thing to heaven for me.

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