Posts Tagged F.A.I.T.H. Riders
Thirteen months.
Posted by Steven Buehler in Uncategorized on March 18, 2009
This weekend will be a year and a month since the divorce was finalized. It seems life has both blown by quite fast but that in the end I really haven’t gone anywhere (like riding on Test Track). I managed to find work, then lost it, and find myself back where I had started, but without the hefty severance package to live off of (today I live off of $225 a week in unemployment benefits—it covers the rent and the basic necessities). I was blessed to have enough of a federal tax refund to finally get the Burgman back up-to-date on its maintenance.
I went back this morning and read the “Dear John” email (for lack of a better description). If anything, it’s a crib sheet on what not to do in my new relationship (although I find myself in those same ruts anyway, like not answering the telephone).
Apart from the new relationship I’m in (with someone I’ve known since junior high school, so there is some actual history this time), I’ve pretty much gone back to being the same loner I was before I met the now-ex-wife. I do make an effort to attend the Bike Nights that the local F.A.I.T.H. Riders put on here in Plant City and use the annual passes to the various theme parks that I bought when I was actually working, but otherwise I don’t do very much else.
On the positive side, I have been blessed this past year to be able to make some trips and meet some very exciting people in places like PodCamp Boston and even here in Tampa Bay at the Second Life Community Convention. I’ve been able to reconnect with old friends from Saddleback and from Southern California, including the person that I’ve concluded I should’ve stuck with in the first place. Sitting on the front steps of that apartment in Fullerton, California and talking like time had never passed, but realizing that a lot of time had indeed passed, and our lives had all changed in very significant ways, was both refreshing but also indicative of the fact that “home” had changed too, and not necessarily for the better.
The primary goal for this year is getting back to work, so I can get caught up on the support that I owe my son and make sure he is properly cared for—something I really have no worries about, as from what I have heard second-hand his grandfather has been the role model I could have never been; to get my finances finally back on track and start paying off the debt I took from the marriage instead of drowning in it; and, most importantly, cultivating the new relationships that are taking root in my life.
My angel sent me a short Irish poem the other day. It’s worth repeating.
May those who love us, love us.
And those who don’t love us—
may God turn their hearts.
And if He cannot turn their hearts,
may He turn their ankles,
so that we may know them by their limping.
Ed Obaugh: Working with New Believers
Posted by Steven Buehler in Uncategorized on January 14, 2009
The Last Goodbye to Lakeland
Posted by Steven Buehler in Uncategorized on January 28, 2008
Yesterday was another day of expressing goodbyes to a lot of people that I have spent the past four to seven years with in Lakeland as I complete the move to Plant City.
I made a final visit to FBC @ The Mall for the 8:00 AM service and then to attend the 9:30 AM F.A.I.T.H. Riders Bible Study to say goodbye to friends and fellow riders. While I do plan to continue showing up at the monthly Bike Nights and on the rides as I’m able, yesterday was my last Sunday morning trip into Lakeland since I’ll be changing churches with the move. I realized that the new Free Riders Fellowship is less than a 1-1/2 mile stroll from my new apartment, so I may be attending there for a while until my financial situation stabilizes and I can find a job again, so I can consume as little gas on the scoot as possible.
I am quite literally out of money; the move drained what little resources I had left. Of the two checking accounts, the joint account is overdrawn nearly $150, and my new individual one has $7 available after covering the overdraft on the first one and buying groceries for the week (as well as a small pot-and-pan set so I can at least boil water). I cashed out my Linden Dollar balance in Second Life®, but that doesn’t leave me with much after I pay the increase in my scooter’s insurance rate that resulted from the change of ZIP™ codes. I’m just hoping to get the divorce matter settled in the next few weeks so I can receive that money and be able to pay the rent and catch up on the bills and credit card payments I’ll miss between now and then. I also reapplied for unemployment, which will help pay for the basics until I have a job, but won’t pay any other bills. Then, there’s the matter of child support.
After church yesterday I made a final trip to the house to pick up the rest of the clothing that I had left in the dryer when I moved out. There have already been a lot of changes made since I left: the garage is reorganized, the locks on all the doors were rekeyed, Princess is now outside in a doghouse instead of her crate in the bedroom when no one is home (although she seems to be enjoying the freedom of having the run of the backyard). After getting the last of my things (including my hiking stick for geocaching), I packed all my keys and a couple of pieces of mail that were inadvertently forwarded to the apartment, along with my wedding ring, into a padded envelope and put it on the grill tray next to the garage door, then added my garage door remote to the pile after hitting the button to start its closing.
So, the garage door lowers and closes, and with it closes everything from the past that needed resolution. It’s officially over now; the rest is just legal process. I start again, with nothing.
I haven’t taken the time yet to start exploring this new neighborhood. All I can say is this:
Man, I thought Lakeland was laid back…
Saying goodbye.
Posted by Steven Buehler in Uncategorized on December 31, 2007
There’s an hour and 11 minutes left in A.D. 2007 as I start writing this. A little over an hour left in a year that turned out radically different from the high hopes I had when it began. 2007 was to be my “coming out” year. Now that I was two years into my recovery, had new habits and routines established to keep the recovery going, now that I was receiving active treatment for my social anxiety and arrested development issues and was dealing with them better, this was to be the year of radical change—the year that things would at last start moving forward and upward for Steven Buehler.
Things did radically change for Steven Buehler, but there’s no idea if the changes are for the better or for the worse yet. There was definitely change, but it all seemed to be backwards. It all seems to be back to where I was a decade ago, before I got married, before I packed up and left it all behind in California to relocate to Florida, before I finally started climbing out of my isolative shell and started reaching out to people.
It seems I’ve said goodbye to a lot of things this past year and crawled back into isolation, with a few significant exceptions.
In late April, my wife had back surgery and moved with our son into her parent’s spacious house on the other side of town, supposedly to recover while I continued to work and provide for my family. She didn’t come back after she had fully recovered.
In July, the company I was working for decided that my job could be done more cheaply by somebody else—in Slovakia—and I was notified that my position was surplus and I was “at risk of involuntary termination,” given 60 days to find another position in the company. No new position became available that somebody would hire me for, and by the end of September I was unemployed. I am still living off the company’s severance package four months later, unable to find a full-time job at the same salary level. My wife decided not to come back home until I had a new job, and in the meantime she went back to school, started working full-time at a preschool, and set up our son with a developmental psychologist. She went on with life without me, even though we are still legally married—although I expect that may change in the near future also. I got no “happy Thanksgiving,” no “merry Christmas,” and so far, no “happy new year,” and the only time I have heard from her was related to money. So, I assume it’s over.
I have said goodbye to a lot of things this year—starting with my family, continuing with my job, and—if things don’t look up with a new job in the next month or so—everything else as far as “material things” goes. I end 2007 in the same way that I started 1998, before all these things came that have now gone: alone, in front of a computer screen, not doing much of anything except holing up in a home office surfing the web.
To keep the perspective balanced, though, there are some constants, and some very different things in my life today that weren’t there ten years ago. I’m no longer drowning in pornography addiction like I was for nearly fifteen years before I was caught in 2005 (probably the event that ended the marriage, since it never really recovered from that). I have a support and accountability team in the form of Celebrate Recovery that I didn’t have ten years ago, to keep me from going back. The social anxiety that I had for years is now being constructively treated, even if it does screw up my sleeping patterns (there’s a bunch of Red Bull in the fridge for 2008 to deal with that issue in the mid-mornings). I have more opportunities to serve and minister through Celebrate Recovery and F.A.I.T.H. Riders that I didn’t have ten years ago (I also wasn’t riding a scooter thousands of miles ten years ago to make a difference). If ministry with my scooter or with CR could provide my paycheck, I’d do it the rest of my life (or until God puts me somewhere else). However, it doesn’t, and creditors don’t care if I have a job or not.
Over the past few months, though, I have met some very interesting people—mostly online, a few in person just this past week. I rode 200-something miles down to Miami this past week for the first time in my life to have breakfast with Jeff Pulver, Florian Seroussi, Jeff Sass, and Jonathan Gluck, and got to explore a little bit in the short time I stayed there, as well as enjoy a nice mini-vacation out on Florida’s Turnpike for two days (the first “vacation” of any kind I think I’ve had since I started working in Florida). I’ve gotten invitations to try out new services-in-development like Seesmic and get to know the entrepreneurs behind them, making things happen on the Internet. Social Media appears to be the “next big thing” in 2008 and beyond, and could it be that I’m being allowed to become involved at the ground level? Perhaps an interesting topic to explore in 2008 is how things like the Internet and social media affect our spiritual lives as well. If only I could be paid to do it…
With a half-hour left in the distressed image of 2007, looking into the blank canvas of 2008, I have some tough decisions to make. Do I attempt to rebuild from the wreckage and sticks of what little remains, or do I decide to “burn the ships” and start 2008 from completely nothing and construct a totally new life and outlook from scratch, no turning or looking back, and leave behind those that don’t go with me to choose their own paths?
In honesty, I’m leaning toward burning the ships and soldiering forward. How about you?
Watch life happen—on public transport.
Posted by Steven Buehler in Uncategorized on October 24, 2007
I was able to purchase the Burgman 400 in my last entry from Sky Powersports here in Lakeland, at a base sticker price that was below the dealer’s cost. Because I did not want to put a pay-off lien on the new scoot, rather than trading in the Vino 125, “Little Brother” now has a “Big Brother” in the garage. I sped (as if you could on a 125cc scooter) up to the dealer on Saturday, depositing the first portion of my severance package at the ATM on the way, dropped off the Vino for its 24,000(!)-mile service and a new set of front brakes, and rode home on the new Burgman, paid for in full. Wasn’t sure how I was going to handle going from a 229-pound scooter to a 480-plus pound maxi-scooter, but it is actually far more comfortable and confident to ride and easier to just relax and enjoy the trip while not having anxiety over every nook and cranny in the road. The increased wind resistance from traveling at 65 MPH versus 45 MPH will take some getting used to. It will go faster, but 65 is about my maximum comfort zone as I adjust to the larger bike.
However, the time came yesterday when I had to go pick up the Vino from its service, and with my wife now working, no means to get there except the Burgman, which I obviously could not ride back along with the Vino.
So, I did something I hadn’t done since I left southern California 7½ years ago: I took the local public transportation system (known here as the Citrus Connection) from the south side of Lakeland up to Kathleen on the northwestern end of the city. Of course, it required me to walk a few miles from the house all the way to Christina to find a northbound bus stop across from the nearby Home Depot (not recalling that I could have walked a mile or two less to the Wal-Mart in Mulberry) in the 95° heat and humidity (which is when carrying a large bottle of Gatorade® comes in handy), to realize the first fact about this system, that it tends to run late at certain stops, like the one that I was waiting at (the 4:08 arrived at 4:29). However, I did get to the central transportation hub early, where the drivers pulled in and waited for the remaining busses to arrive so everyone could make their needed transfers before the second-to-last route of the day left the station. A very fun and pleasant experience, actually, that brought back memories of riding the OCTA all over the place when I didn’t have a car in the early 90s. The busses were spotless; the other riders (mostly young black people and elderly people) were well-behaved and pleasant to be around and sometimes chat with, contrary to the image produced by the still-very-prejudiced South. It surprises me at times how much people miss out on because of prejudices and stereotypes. One can gain so much ministry experience simply laying those things aside and being willing to listen to people talk.
Taking the local public transit also offers a chance to watch life—reality—happening. The blond-haired professional woman closing a deal on her cell phone at the transit terminal. The elderly couple sitting up front chatting about how the city’s changed over the years with an elderly woman seated across from them. The black high school student catching up on her assignments as she heads home for the day. The black man behind me trying to catch a glimpse of my iPhone from two rows back while I’m following the bus’ progress on Google Maps so I know when to pull the signal cable to be let off at the next location. Looking out the windows to watch people driving by, unwinding from their days, chatting on their cell phones, trying to put on make-up for a dinner date. The occasional die-hard biker slung back on his raked-out chopper enjoying the breeze. It’s stuff you just don’t get to see when you’re having to pay attention to the traffic around you.
So I arrived at the dealer and rode the Vino 125 to its semi-retirement home in our garage, where it will still see some use, but not nearly as much as it has seen over the past 24,000 miles. I’m looking forward to the open road again once the weather begins to dry up for the winter and the temperatures become a little more comfortable. The larger engine also means that I at last get to join my F.A.I.T.H. Riders friends on their ministry trips, something I am most looking forward to.
Keeping the rubber side down and the shiny side up…



